i have yet to share the full extent of my history with body and food issues, and my recent acknowledgement that i had developed an eating disorder (see previous post), but today i had a conversation with myself (below) that i feel i want to share in the mean time. it's something i am hoping will encourage another heart whose bruises feel similar to mine. in all honesty, i have been desperate to get out of the mental/emotional slump i am currently in. the healing process can sometimes feel like free-falling with nothing and no one to hold on to. but that isn't the Truth, so today i spoke to my home and we reminded each other Who we belong to. and so onward i go, i rise again, and take the next baby step into self-forgiveness
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liar: fear
liar: hate
we have a long way to go my dear
we have a long life left together
and beloved, we won’t stay like this
this dark place of hatred is not where it ends
this is not where we stay
and this is most certainly not where we give up
but it is where we lie down and rest
we breathe deep instead
of hitting and breaking and fighting and hating
our Maker tells me secrets
i know you hear them too
Dad reminds me that it is good
that it’s true it’s true still true
this is for you, my love
listen to these words
this light will carry us
just as it has done before
many and then again
still many a time more
thank you for carrying me
for knowing often before i do
that we are beautiful and brave
a Truth i simply have to choose
i forget that you’re my friend
i feel your tender hands now
with lines and markings, stories and heart strings
we will make it home somehow
best part?
‘somehow’ is held in Creator hands
our promise: we have only to be still
letting rivers of hope wash clean the rope
that no longer binds us at the foot of the hill
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